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Daily Dispatch
The Pearl Harbor Spy
Today, December 7, 2010, is the 69th anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. (69th?! Wow!) In our very latest—and many are already saying the greatest, thank you very much—work, Uncle John’s HEAVY DUTY Bathroom Reader, we tell the story of the single Japanese spy who made the entire attack possible. Here’s an excerpt:
DUSTBIN OF HISTORY:
THE PEARL HARBOR SPY
The Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, remains
one of the most infamous events in U.S. history. Yet the spy who
played a key role in the sneak attack is a forgotten man,
unknown even to many World War II buffs.
Under Cover
On March 27, 1941, a 27-year-old junior diplomat named Tadashi Morimura arrived in Honolulu to take his post as vice-consul at the Japanese consulate. But that was just a cover—“Morimura” was really Takeo Yoshikawa, a Japanese Imperial Navy Intelligence officer. His real mission: to collect information about the American military installations in and around Pearl Harbor.
Law & Order: The Knucklehead Files
This is a news item about two separate, yet equally important groups: The police who investigate crime, and the District Attorneys who get sent text messages by drug dealers. (Dong dong!)
Police say an Indiana man was arrested after mistakenly sending text messages to a prosecutor about drugs he was trying to sell.
Winner! Winner! Winner!
We have a winner of our latest BRI contest, “6 Things Your Dry Cleaner Won’t Tell You“! Thanks to everyone who entered! You’re all very, very naughty! Well, most of you anyway.
And the winner is…
Polish Fire Chief Requires “Heil Hitler” Salute
If you were looking for something this morning that was wrong in more ways than you can count, look no further:
A Polish fire brigade has rebelled against its commander after an alleged campaign of humiliation and abuse of power that saw him force them to greet each other with a “Heil Hitler” each morning.
Doorknob as Fish-Eye Lens Into Other Room
Oh, this is such a good idea, I can’t believe we didn’t think of it ourselves!
In conjunction with Design Tide Tokyo, architect Hideyuki Nakayama – a protégé of Toyo Ito – has teamed up with UNION, a manufacturer of door handles and levers, to create a glass globe doorknob. As you approach the doorknob you catch a glimpse of what appears to be another world, waiting for you to enter and join, but in fact is a reflection of the room on the other side of the door.
RIP: Leslie Nielsen
The funny man from the Northwest Territories has gone to that great Airplane in the sky.
“LOS ANGELES – Leslie Nielsen, who traded in his dramatic persona for inspired bumbling as a hapless doctor in “Airplane!” and the accident-prone detective Frank Drebin in “The Naked Gun” comedies, died on Sunday in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. He was 84.
The Canadian-born actor died from complications from pneumonia at a hospital near his home at 5:34 p.m., surrounded by his wife, Barbaree, and friends, his agent John S. Kelly said in a statement.”
A moment from Lieutenant Frank Drebin:
When in China, Do as the Romans Do
Truly fascinating story about a legendary lost Roman army legion—and their possible descendants in remote China:
“Tests found that the DNA of some villagers in Liqian, on the fringes of the Gobi Desert in north-western China, was 56 per cent Caucasian in origin.”
The *Other* JFK Conspiracy [Updated]
Today is the anniversary of the assassination of the 35th president of the United States, John F. Kennedy.
Sounds like a perfect time to bring an old conspiracy theory back to life. From Uncle John’s Fast-Acting, Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader…
CONSPIRACY THEORY: John F. Kennedy wasn’t assassinated—he’s still alive!
It’s World Toilet Day
Everyone please take a moment to walk down the hall, open the door to the WC, have a look at that old, taken-for-granted commode, and say, “Thank you, toilet. You’ve been very good to me. So thank you, thank you, thank you.” Everyone, right?
On a more serious note, today is World Toilet Day, brought to us by the World Toilet Organization:
World Toilet Day is celebrated on November 19 of every year. The World Toilet Organization is the main driver for this global event. WTO, a global non-profit organization committed to improving toilet and sanitation conditions worldwide.
Surfing Killer Whales! [Updated]
It’s becoming more common to call them orcas rather than killer whales, but it makes the title of this story so much more exciting:
But when a one-metre-tall fin popped out of the water and started heading towards him and other surfers, Mr Cunningham decided to head ashore. “I didn’t have anything to sit on and with most of my body under the water, it felt a bit freaky.” The other surfers had stayed at sea unfazed by the visitors.
After catching a wave Mr Cunningham had noticed the orcas had caught a wave behind him.
Veterans Day
Here’s a BRI salute to all our veterans out there, those gone and those still with us. Thank you, from all of us.
And here’s an appropriate excerpt from Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces, called, “Old Soldiers.” (Click on images to enlarge; click a second time to sharpen image.)
Separated at Birth: Gary Oldman and Eli Wallach
There’s a story on NPR today about the actor Eli Wallach, whom you probably know from several films, primarily Westerns, including Sergio Leone’s 1966 classic, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, with Clint Eastwood. Here’s an image of him from that film:
Mr. Wallach is receiving an honorary Oscar this Saturday, the story says, and congratulations to him. But now to the point of this post: In doing a little research on Wallach this morning, I found a photo of him on Wikimedia Commons, from the 1956 film Baby Doll.
Does he look like Gary Oldman in this photo, or what?
It’s a Small World
A story to prove that it truly is a small, small world – spacewise and timewise:
• In 2007 we released Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges Into National Parks.
• On page 107, in an article about Ellis Island, now known as Ellis Island National Monument, we mentioned that the very first person to pass through the then brand new federal immigration station, on January 1, 1892, was a 15-year-old girl from Ireland named Annie Moore.
• Yesterday we received an email from BRI fan Nicole H, who said:
How to Tickle a Trout: Step 4, Abbreviated
You’re probably aware that our brand new bathroom-reading masterpiece—Uncle John’s HEAVY DUTY Bathroom Reader—is now available, and at a really low special holiday price. In this volume you will find hundreds of easy to digest articles on the art of safe-cracking, the Arab world’s Homer Simpson, the Japanese spy who made the Pearl Harbor attack possible, 185 uses for a pig, seven deadly SpongeBobs, and even instructions on how to hypnotize a chicken. And so much more.
But now, in a special BRI event that will shake the world, here is “Step 4,” abbreviated, from the HEAVY DUTY article that will leave you mesmerized and possibly a little moist, “How To Tickle a Trout”:
That Old Drive-In Theater
For reasons only the mind-faeries know I just thought of the old drive-in theater that I grew up a short walk through a yard and a field from in Western New York. And lo and behold—I found it on the internet. In several places. There’s even an aeriel photo of the site (at the first link) from 1978. And my house is even in there—who knows, I may have even been standing in the yard at the time! (Click pix to enlarge.)
Vote!
Hey, BRI fans, here’s a special shout out from Uncle John and Mrs. Uncle John to those of you who haven’t gotten around to voting yet today: Go on, vote—you’ll like it! It makes your breath smell better, aids digestion, takes the aches and pains out of your feet and legs, and makes people think you’re a bit more handsome and pretty than usual. It really, really does.
The Blind Zimbabwean Cricket Commentator
File this story under “amazing”:
When the ball hits the bat, the radio announcer exclaims that it’s sailing far. Dean Du Plessis’ acute sense of hearing and his eavesdropping on other commentators helps him overcome the fact that he is blind, producing a delivery so polished that most listeners are unaware that he can’t see.
Mr Du Plessis hears the power and direction of the hit. He listens to the speed and spin of the ball, along with the players’ exertions and their cries of elation or frustration. He senses the excitement – or otherwise – of the play on the cricket field and collates the scores with a computer-like memory.
