“I swear officer, my names is C. R. Ook!”
BRI fan Geoff Moulton sends us this story from the “Dumb Crook With Really Bad Luck” file:
Tag: Funny/Bizarre
The Multiple Electric Scalp Vibrator
Oddee has a collection of links to some particularly oddee things that you could actually buy once upon a time.
A few favorites include the scalp massager:
J.D. Salinger’s Porcelein “Throne” For Sale
If we didn’t already have a toilet at the office, we might have all pitched in to buy J.D. Salinger’s “Throne.”
The description reads: “Here’s an item you won’t come across everyday! This is the toilet that was personally owned AND used by J.D. Salinger for many years! It sat in his home in Cornish, New Hampshire, and was installed in the ‘new wing’ of his house. When he died, his wife inherited all of his manuscripts with plans to eventually release some of them! Who knows how many of these stories were thought up and written while Salinger sat on this throne!”
But, we’re not sure $1 million is a fair price. What do you think?
Cartoon of the Day!
Thank you Greg Wolcott for sending us a great cartoon today. Thanks for making us smile!
Free Range cartoon by Bill Whitehead
And now for some interesting internet comments…
Someone at Yahoo hit their head and put up a REALLY DUMB ARTICLE about “money habits” you didn’t know were illegal. Did you know, for instance, that it is illegal to lie on a home loan application? Of that you can’t make copies of U.S. currency? I know, it’s crazy!
Hey, it happens—but we still get to laugh at it. And read the comments. And there are over 4,700 of them. A few of our favorites:
These comments are way more interesting and accurate than the the stupid article.
I’m sure everyone that read this already knew you weren’t allowed to copy money. It is called “counterfeiting”, Marcie.
well no @#$% sherlock
Ohh.. Can’t I make my own money? *facepalm* -.-
Double-Rainbow Man
Hooo-oot! The internet has a new star. Paul “Yosemitebear Mountain Giant” Vasquez took a video of a double rainbow at his property in the vicinity of Yosemite National Park in California. And he talked about it. On the video. It has received more than 2 million viewers on YouTube in less than three days. It is, in a word, high-larious.
We should note that Vasquez insists he was not under the influence of any illegal substances at the time. He was just “happy.”
Somebody went on to add some music:
Here’s an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader salute to Yosemitebear Mountain Giant, our brand new favorite practically famous person. Oh, and here’s a pic:
A Smart Thought From a Funny Person
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” —Jerry Seinfeld
Ledes We Love
In journalism a lede (also spelled “lead”; rhymes with “need”) is the first sentence or paragraph of a newspaper story, and they’re commonly used to give the major facts or mood of the story to come. And sometimes they can be more fun than the story itself. Like this one:
Shipment of Human Heads Found on Plane
And they won’t even let us take a bottle of shampoo!
A Southwest Airlines employee called police after finding human heads in a package set to be transported to a Fort Worth medical research company, the airline said.
“It wasn’t labeled or packaged properly,” said Ashley Rogers, a Southwest spokeswoman. “They called the local authorities.”
Guess What They’re Talking About: Answered!
Here’s another installment of the regular Uncle John’s Blog quiz that we just made up, “Guess What They’re Talking About.” In this week’s episode you’ll have to determine the subject of one paragraph from a recent BBC article.
Ready?
Okay, here’s the paragraph:
That sound has been unflatteringly compared to a swarm of wasps, even an elephant passing wind.
Australia’s Suicide-Spot Angel
This is one of those stories where the heartwarming rises up and beats the canoles out of the heartbreaking:
For almost 50 years, Don Ritchie has lived across the street from Australia’s most notorious suicide spot, a rocky cliff at the entrance to Sydney Harbour called The Gap. And in that time, the man widely regarded as a guardian angel has shepherded countless people away from the edge.
What some consider grim, Ritchie considers a gift. How wonderful, the former life insurance salesman says, to save so many. How wonderful to sell them life. “You can’t just sit there and watch them,” says Ritchie, now 84, perched on his beloved green leather chair, from which he keeps a watchful eye on the cliff outside. “You gotta try and save them. It’s pretty simple.”
Tinfoil Hat Warning: Code Weird
Okay hold on to your tinfoil hats, BRI fans, you’re not going to believe this, but…UVB-76…has stopped…buzzing. I know, unbelievable, right?
What’s that? You’re not familiar with UVB-76? Well, don’t worry. Neither were we. So we did a little research. Long story short: It’s a shortwave radio station broadcasting from near Moscow, Russia, that has emitted a pulsed buzzing sound every day, all day, for the past 28 years. Nobody knows why. Sometimes very faint voices can be heard behind the buzz, and twice in all those years it stopped for a few seconds…and a man could be heard saying something Russian.
And now…it has stopped.
Here’s some video, and comments from shortwave radio fans:
Ninjas!
If there’s one thing we’re suckers for here at the BRI, it’s stories that have anything to do with ninjas. Or robots. Or zombies. Or Elvis sightings. Or stories involving sightings of ninja-robot-zombie-Elvises. Which is more common than you might think.
Where were we? Oh yeah: Ninjas!
A group of would-be muggers in a Sydney, Australia, met their match Tuesday night in the form of black-clad ninjas.
The three stalked and attacked a German exchange student, 27, in a dimly lit alley that fortunately for the victim ran behind the Ninja Senshi Ryu warrior school…
Dave Barry Speaks, We Listen
Every great journey begins with one little joke:
“The other thing is that I write very slowly—painfully slowly—and while yes, I really want it to look spontaneous and random, generally I’ll spend a lot of time just on the first joke, till it seems right, and then I’ll think, OK, what would be a good one to go after that. At that point I’m really not thinking about how it’s going to end or how it’s going to be structured—only about what the next joke will be. And then the next joke after that.”
Toilet Paper Bandit Collared!
Some stories are tailor-made for the Bathroom Reader:
The “toilet paper bandit” who allegedly robbed a Lincoln convenience store last month has made headlines in newspapers as far away as London and on the Drudge Report.
His fame may have been short-lived, however.
Joshua Nelson, 29, of 121 E St. was arrested Saturday evening for robbery and use of a weapon to commit a felony.
On April 24, Nelson allegedly entered Kabredlo’s at 1445 S. 17th St. armed with a knife and demanded money.
The robber had toilet paper wrapped around his head to conceal his identity.
The Mail Online Channels Uncle John
The British Mail Online news service has a story this morning on a peculiar piece of clothing created by a Japanese designer. We just happened to have written a bit about that odd bit of attire in our just-released Uncle John’s World’s Gone Crazy Bathroom Reader:
THE VENDING MACHINE SKIRT
Let’s say you’re walking down the sidewalk dressed in an ordinary skirt and—Here come the bad guys! And they’re chasing you! Run! Hide! Too bad you weren’t wearing this special piece of clothing: The Vending Machine Skirt, by Tokyo designer Aya Tsukiokais. It looks like a normal skirt, but, when you need to become invisible, it quickly unfolds to become a large, rectangular piece of cloth that looks just like a soda vending machine. Just hold it in front of you and hide behind it, so the idea goes, and you’ll blend into the scenery. “Vending machines are on every corner of Japanese streets, and we take it for granted,” says Aya. “That’s how I came up with the idea for this dress.”
And now, because you deserve it, a video demonstration of the Vending Machine Skirt by Ms. Tsukiokais, with a bonus demonstration of her Manhole Cover Purse:
Thought for the Morning
If you think of the evolution of human civilization as how it relates to your typical morning routine, you might say that early humans, like the fellow pictured below:
…could be called “Pre-Coffee Man” (Snarlus erectus), whereas modern humans:
Internet Wonders: Old & Interesting
This is such a great idea for a Web site:
This site is about . . .
. . . how people furnished and equipped their homes in previous centuries, and how they handled household tasks. Plans are to keep adding more articles, with the homepage updated every Wednesday – at least. Please email if you want to suggest a topic connected with the history of everyday home life, housekeeping, domestic objects, or any related bits of social history.
Simple and fascinating. There are many, many photographs of actual antique items, along with descriptions of their use. Just a few of the items covered:
