Posts Tagged: ‘Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader’

April 24, 2012

New York Review of Books on Bathroom Reading

Nice article—and not just because of the mention of yours truly. Excerpt:

No doubt Pascal was right when he said that most evils in life arose from “man’s being unable to sit still in a room.” Puffy-eyed and wrapped in a vintage bathrobe, grandpa shuffles in stocking feet past his granddaughter and son, letting out a groan, since both are too busy to notice him as they stare intently into the screens of their phones. He knows that history is against him; that he may belong to a species about to become extinct, the one relying on printed matter destined to be relegated in the future to the Smithsonian museum, where a replica of someone like him sits on the can with his pants lowered reading a newspaper, while puzzled visitors pass by, a few of them bending over with curiosity to read the brief accompanying description about the reading habits of their ancestors. On the other hand, the old man could very well be wrong and technology in the future will happily address this human need and provide a new generation of e-readers and iPhones especially designed for use in bathrooms, public toilets, and other such disreputable places.

Hey – we’re living proof of that!

Thanks very kindly for the mention, Mr. Simic!

|pic|

 

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April 23, 2012

BRI Brian in McSweeney’s

If you’re not familiar with the hilarious and enchanting universe that is McSweeney’s – please allow us to introduce you to it!

Better than that, allow us to introduce you to it via a piece by Brian Boone, writer and editor extraordinaire who has called the hobbit-hutty offices of the BRI his work/home for tons of years now. Way to go, B.

Ado no further, Overhauling of Old Jokes For Modern-Day Relevance and Accuracy, by Brian Boone.

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April 10, 2012

Baseball Contest Winner!

We’ve gone through the jokes in the BRI Blog Baseball Joke Contest! Thank you all for your entries!

The best submitted joke, as judged by Uncle John, his sister Sister John, his cousin Cousin John, and his third-cousin twice removed in-law—Bo—is…

Sam, who gave us:

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

You walk him and pitch to the rhino.

Like that one guy always says: I don’t care who you are—that’s funny.

Rough luck to Jim C, who submitted that exact joke four minutes after Sam. (Yerrrr OUT!)

Sam, you are the winner of this book:

…and one coveted, not available in stores, UJBR t-shirt:

Many congratulations, thanks for playing, and thanks again to everyone!

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April 6, 2012

Contest! Baseball Edition! CLOSED!

THE CONTEST IS CLOSED! Winner announced here!

It’s been a while hasn’t it?

Short and sweet: Send us a baseball joke. Make one up yourself or find an old favorite. The one that makes us spit the most peas out our noses (we promise to put some peas up our noses before reading the entries) wins a copy of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Takes a Swing at Baseball. (A heckuva book, if we say so ourselves.)

Nothing but 5-star reviews at Amazon. Sample:

My brother recommended this book to me. I bought a copy for myself, and 2 more for my son and son-in-law. I started reading it from the beginning, and am slowly working my way through it, page by page. Lots of interesting tid-bits of baseball knowledge. Well written, and well organized. I highly recommend this book for all baseball fans.

And oh yes: winner gets a coveted UJBR shirt, too:

You have until Monday noon, PDT. Good luck!

****U.S. only. (So sorry, international fans, really.)

*****Keep it clean, please! We’ve got younguns here…

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March 31, 2012

TV News Unfiltered: The C-SPAN Story

Brian LambYou may have heard in the news recently that Brian Lamb, founder and CEO of the groundbreaking TV news network, C-SPAN, is retiring after thirty-four years on the job. We told the story of how Lamb managed to get the network up and running, and how he made sure it was a truly independent news network  - really a heck of a story – in Uncle John’s TRIUMPHANT 20TH Bathroom Reader(It’s on page 243 for those of you who already own the book.) We thought it would be a good time to roll it out on the blog. Here you go.

TV NEWS UNFILTERED

Next time you think there’s nothing on TV, remember Brian Lamb’s story and spend a few minutes watching his channel. What channel? Read on.

Mr. Lamb goes to Washington
During the Vietnam War, a young navy lieutenant from Indiana named Brian Lamb was assigned to the Pentagon press office to report troop deaths to the media. The amount of information either omitted or censored in order to paint a rosier picture of the war appalled him. “The government lied to us,” he later recalled. “We just weren’t getting the straight scoop.” During that time, Lamb also served as an aide in the Johnson White House. Once again he saw a huge gap between what the American people knew and what was really happening. “I got a firsthand education about how the media interacts with the government, and it led me to think that there could be a better way.” That better way was a news outlet that would report what was happening in politics—with two major differences: 1) no censorship from government; and 2) no commentary from media pundits.

Finding an In
Over the next decade, as Lamb worked in various television and political jobs, he tried to drum up support for a news channel that showed gavel-to-gavel coverage of Congress. Although many people agreed that it was a good idea, it wasn’t feasible. Why? The Big Three networks had cornered the market on delivering the news to the masses. And besides, all-day congressional debate wasn’t exactly something the public was clamoring for. But then in the late 1970s, cable TV hit the scene. That changed everything. Cable meant more channels, which meant Lamb now had a place to put his network. But he still needed money and—more importantly—he needed the government’s permission.

  • Government approval was the easy part. In 1977 Lamb met with House Speaker Tip O’Neill and learned that Congress had been thinking the same thing—they’d recently passed House Resolution 866, permitting broadcast coverage of House proceedings.
  • Finding the money took a little longer. Lamb knew that trying to convince taxpayers to pay for a free government-access channel would be a tough sell, so instead he went to the CEOs of emerging cable companies around the country and asked them to finance the channel by setting aside a small percentage of their revenue. The response was slow at first, but after Bob Rosencrans, the CEO of Columbia Cablevision, wrote a check for $25,000, others chipped in, and Lamb found himself with $400,000.

America’s Network of Record
On March 19, 1979, the Cable-Satellite Public Affairs Network, or C-SPAN, with a staff of four, began cablecasting the United States House of Repre- sentatives daily proceedings (gavel-to-gavel and without commentary) to 3.5 million households. At first it only aired from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. on weekdays, but soon switched to 24-hour coverage, replaying the day’s events in primetime. In 1980 C-SPAN added a call-in feature to give people the opportunity to ask politicians direct questions. This was the first large-scale avenue for regular citizens to speak directly to their political representatives. That year C-SPAN also received its first of many Cable Ace Awards. By 1984 it was covering every political event to which it had access, and really made its mark during the presidential campaign. While the Big Three covered the highlights, C-SPAN broadcast every minute of the Iowa caucus and both the Republican and Democratic national conven- tions.

This Lamb Ain’t No Sheep
Over the years, Lamb has had to remain diligent to ensure that the network’s coverage remains both complete and objective. C-SPAN has never received a cent from either political party (not that they haven’t offered). Corporations have also offered to pay the network substantial fees in return for displaying their logos onscreen. And on a few occasions C-SPAN has been asked to omit or edit certain sections of congressional debates that got out of hand. Lamb’s response is always the same: No. Yet while C-SPAN strives to be nonpartisan, both sides have accused the network of bias: In March 2007, conservatives accused it of catering to the left by broadcasting coverage of an anti-Iraq War march, but staying away from a smaller march in favor of the war. On the other side, liberals point to reports that C-SPAN’s morning call-in show, Washington Journal, features nearly twice as many Republicans as Democrats. So does Lamb have a political bias? He won’t say. “I vote in every general election, but I’m not a party member—I’ve never told anyone who I’ve voted for.”

Ratings, Shmatings
One way Lamb curtails the criticism is to completely ignore C-SPAN’s numbers. “We don’t know whether we have three viewers or three hundred thousand,” he says. “It’s probably a good thing, too, because then someone might be on our backs to increase the numbers, or worse, we’d stop broadcasting what deserves to be on.” What is known is this: 85 million homes receive C-SPAN; 52 million people admit to being “sometime” or “regular” viewers. And they have a lot to tune in to. Today C-SPAN consists of three separate networks, a radio station, and 17 Web sites. In 1996 the network added About Books, which gives authors exposure they couldn’t get anywhere else. And even though C-SPAN is now a multimedia juggernaut, it’s still a nonprofit organization and still receives its money solely from cable companies. “C-SPAN,” says Lamb, “is the voice of America, with all its flaws.”

WHat’s on C-Span?
Think it’s just long-winded politicians speaking into microphones on the House floor? Well, most of it is, but you can also find:

  • International flair: The often-lively proceedings of the Parliaments of the United Kingdom and Canada.
  • State funerals: Every big funeral from Richard Nixon to Rosa Parks. “Our coverage of funerals is very popular,” boasts Lamb.
  • Political goofs: Regular C-SPAN viewers see their fair share of questionable political gestures and slips of the tongue. For example, in July 2006, Senator Joe Biden of Delaware said on camera that “you cannot go into a Dunkin’ Donuts or a 7-Eleven unless you have a slight Indian accent.” (He later said it was a compliment.) And in July 2007, Senator Bill Nelson of Florida said on the Senate floor, “Certainly, all the intercourse that I had as a military officer was the best. But that was not the case for a lot of our returning soldiers.” (He was talking about how he was treated by the public after returning home from Vietnam. We think.)

 

Good work, Mr. Lamb, an Uncle John’s salute from all of us, and we hope enjoy your well-deserved retirement. |pic|

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March 24, 2012

StumbleUpon the Bathroom Reader

Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader StumbleUpon page is open for business.

We’ve got a bunch of cool links. Like this. And this. We think you’ll like it.

Come on over. Have a look. HIt that “Follow” button if you are so inclined. It’s pretty dang cool…

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March 22, 2012

The Sage/Marijuana Lawsuit

WARNING: If you are currently being treated for high blood pressure—proceed with caution!

From our very latest “Big John” publication, Uncle John’s 24-KARAT-GOLD Bathroom Reader (page 351 if you already have it):

THE PLAINTIFF: Robin Brown, 48, amateur birdwatcher and employee at Massage Envy in Weston, Florida

THE DEFENDANT: Mark Horn, assistant state attorney in Broward County, Florida

THE LAWSUIT: One day in 2009, Brown was birdwatching in a patch of woods in Weston. As she often did, Brown said a prayer for peace and burned a small bundle of sage, a Native American purification ritual known as “smudging.” When she returned to her car, Broward County Sheriff ’s Deputy Dominic Raimondi was waiting for her. Suspecting that she was smoking marijuana, he searched her bag and found the sage. Although sage and marijuana don’t look (or smell) anything alike, Raimondi put the sage into a field testing kit, which is known for giving false positives. The substance tested positive for marijuana, but Raimondi let Brown go and sent the sage to the crime lab for a proper test.

Three months passed. Brown forgot about the incident…until the police entered her workplace, arrested her on felony drug charges, handcuffed her, and marched her out in front of her customers and coworkers. At the station, Brown was strip-searched, cavity-searched, and put in jail for the night. “I tried to act tough,” she later said, “but inside I was quaking.” The next day, Brown hired a lawyer, Bill Ullman, to find out why she had been arrested. The answer: Assistant State Attorney Mark Horn was supposed to have had the sage tested; for some reason, he didn’t do it, but he ordered her arrest anyway. Ullman demanded that the substance be tested; when it finally was, it was indeed sage. The charges were dropped. Brown then filed a civil suit against Horn.

THE VERDICT: The judge dismissed the case. “Prosecutors are given immunity from lawsuits in the course of doing their jobs,” he said. Ullman disagreed. “Horn wasn’t doing his job. He filed a false statement swearing she had marijuana, and she didn’t.” At last report, the case was under appeal.

Fun, huh?!

• You can see a video of Ms. Brown explaining what happened at the Palm Beach Post.

• And you can read more infuriaating and/or hilarious lawsuit stories in Uncle John’s 24-KARAT-GOLD Bathroom Reader.

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March 8, 2012

Funniest Caption in Natural History

The New Yorker:

Oh man that’s funny. And almost perfect timing!

February 21, 2012

Video: Oyster Life Cycle; Bjork (updtd)

We’re working very hard on our next, too-exciting book…and we keep finding stuff like this…

P.S. Bjork.

Update: Apparently this video doesn’t play for many of you. So here’s a swimming clam:

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February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine’s Day

We were going to post something about the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre – but we got all soft and squishy. (Could have been the marshmallow and rum toddies we had for lunch.)

From our very recently released Uncle John’s 24-Karat Gold Bathroom Reader (page 190):

TOGETHER AGAIN

It was 1921. In a one-room schoolhouse in rural Wisconsin, two third-graders became “sweethearts.” But after the school year ended, Mac McKitrick and Lorraine Beatty lost contact with each other…for 85 years. Then, in 2009, they were reunited through family members (their brothers had become friends). The two lovebirds instantly remembered each other and picked up right where they left off: McKitrick proposed, Beatty said yes, and the newlyweds moved in with each other at an Illinois retirement home. “I still picture Lorraine as my third-grade sweetheart,” said McKitrick. “I’ve carried that in the back of my mind for all those years.”

Valentine’s Day bonus…

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Mia Farrow was on the first cover of People magazine, March 4, 1974.

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