What?!? The Bear Grylls we’ve come to know and love wouldn’t take that! He’d rip one of his own bicuspids out, use it to remove one of his tibias, use the two to fashion a makeshift tomahawk—and hack his way out of that sack!

Oh, wait:

Bear Grylls sacked from Discovery Channel

Bear Grylls has been fired from the Discovery Channel.

The British television presenter began working with the network on TV series Man vs. Wild – where he is challenged to survive in difficult climates – in 2006, but following problems getting him to work on two unannounced projects, they have decided to terminate their contract with him.

Well then. He should still make that tomahawk. Could come in handy when dealing with bill collectors!

Best of luck, Mr. Grylls. We hope you get a new gig real soon. And please don’t hurt us:

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So we do for you…what we Khan do:

And everybody knows that the great Mr. Montalban played Khan Noonien Singh in 1982′s Star Trek: Wrath of Khan—and in “Space Seed,” a first season (1967) episode of the original Star Trek, too, right?

We’re hard at work on our next fabulous edition: Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader TUNES INTO TV! It’s all about TV! Hence the title!

We thought we’d give you a little coming attraction of something we’re writing about for the book. It’s a cartoon that started airing in the Soviet Union in 1969, about a wolf…who uses devious plans to hopefully catch a hare…which he never does. It was called “Nu Pogodi!” which means, “Just You Wait!”, the wolf’s catchphrase every time his plan fails.

Here’s the very first of the just twenty episodes that were made over the cartoon’s 37-year history: