We’ve gathered all the entries for the latest caption contest, wherein you were invited to create a caption for this image:

We have, as is so often the case, decided that more than one of you are deserving of a prize for your scintillating creations. With no further ado:

• Coming in at 2nd-and-a-half Place: Jeffrey Gary Clinard, for his entry:

I knew we should have stayed home and played poker instead.

We don’t know if we interpreted Jeffrey incorrrectly, but we saw that as a joke on the “Dogs Playing Poker” painting – and that’s just funny.

• Coming in a 2nd Place: Timothy Moore, for:

As Fido gazed uneasily at the smoke drifting from the once-abandoned shack, he knew that Mr. Whiskers had returned to East Sommersby, and this time there was no escaping his fate. Before the sun set that very day, the old Gypsy’s prophecy would come true.

Now, that is way too long to be a proper caption, yes, but it just cracked us up. And: We must know what the old Gypsy’s prophecy was! Tell us now!

Congratulations to our two runners-up! You have won an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader. We will be sending you an email.

• And our Winner: Jon Carwile, for:

In case of boat emergency, your dog may be used as a floatation device.

That right there’s funny captioning business. Congratulations, Jon, you’ve won an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader of your choosing! We’ll be in touch!

Thanks for playing everybody!

P.S. The image came from 19th century German painter Ferdinand Heilbruth. Lots more via Google images here.

We haven’t done a caption contest in ages! And we’re here to rectify that!

Put on your pointiest and most guffaw-producing thinking cap and provide a caption for this image. (Click to enlarge.)

Spread the word! Tell all your friends! Enter up to six times yourself!

Keep it family friendly—we’re an all-ages organization here, as you know. Entries can be submitted here, or on our Facebook or Twitter pages, until the morning off Monday, August 1. Winner gets an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader of their choosing! Good luck!

Caption example:

“Let’s play charades,” said the dog.

[pic]

It’s not often you get to say you picked a winner in a Boogers! caption contest—but we’re lucky like that.

Your job in this contest was to caption this photo:

Ladies and geeeee-entlemen, the winner of the latest Uncle  John’s Bathrom Reader caption contest, and recipient of the UJBR publication of his or her cchoosing, is…

Warren Mills

For his caption

I don’t care how well the ball game is coming in when I hold this pose, we still need to get a regular antenna!

And Uncle John remembers standing just like that for hours on family camping trips! (I mean everyone takes TVs on camping trips, right?) Congratulations, Warren, and thanks for playing. We’ll be in touch shortly. And thanks to everybody else, too.

Honorable mention goes to: Mike Holmes, for this:

im trying to watch the damn hockey game but i keep thinking about how the hell someone would make this funny. Good work uncle john.

Funny. You don’t know how close that was to winning.

Oh, and to Don Yerger, too, for getting creative. Thanks, both of you.

I woke up this morning and I thought to myself, “We haven’t done a caption contest in ages. So gosh darn it, we’re going to do one today.”

“But what image will you use?” a voice suddenly asked. “Don’t you normally do a caption contest when, in the midst of researching a clever and captivating article, you come across an image that just begs for a humorous caption? Isn’t that the honest way caption contests are born? Hmm?”

And I thought, “Who is this person asking me questions? And why does he sound like Niles Crane?” And I went to Wikimedia Commons and entered “boogers” into the search box. I got this:

I mean is that a photo asking for a caption, or what? (What does it have to do with “boogers”? See below.)

Rules: Think up a brilliant, gut-busting, guffaw-producing caption for this photo, enter it here, or on our FaceBook or Twitter pages, as many times as you like, and wait until it’s announced that someone else has won the contest. (I mean that’s true for most of you, right? Only one person can win. Have I said to much? Should I stop talking now? …) Winner gets an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader of his or her very own choosing. (Woo hoo!)

Sample caption:

Betsy said karate-chopping a keyboard did wonders for her skin.

.

You have until midnight Monday night, PDT. Ready? Set? GO!

(The photo is of Belgian pop star An Pierlé. It was taken by Chantall Boogers.)

La-hadies and geee-entlemen, we have gathered all 647,323 entries in our latest fantabulous contest, “Caption That Outhouse,” wherein we asked you to caption this photo of an actual working public restroom in Saguaro National Park in Arizona:

We have now, after much tribulation, decided on a winner.

Well, we’ve actually decided on three winners—cuz you are all are just so darn good. (Okay, not all of you: You know who you are…)

Empty-Quaker-Oatmeal-canister drumroll, please! (dubadubadubaduba…)

Weeeee-inner #3 is:

Shelly Moseley, for:

This was always my favorite rest stop when being pursued by a posse.

Brilliant! Captures the whole Wild West motif, while staying with the parameters of the “restroom” theme. Well done, Shelly, well done indeed.

Weeeee-inner #2 is:

Rigo, for:

Pay no attention to the shackles in the stalls.

Creepy! And gosh darn it—we just love creepy! Well done, Rigo!

And with no further ado, the #1 winner is:

Kristian M., for:

Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader: Year 1

Perfection! Wholly within the contest theme, directly in line with the ancient-seeming setting of the provided photograph—and with just the right amount of shameless pandering to the introverted, insecure staff at the BRI! Kudos to you, Kristian M.—you are a caption master!

Congratulations, winners! You will be contacted by the gracious and multi-talented Mana regarding your wonderful prize—an UJBR publication of your choosing.

And our special thanks to each and every one of you who took part in the contest, and especially to those of you who spread the word about it on your vatrious social networking platforms. Thanks a million—and come back next time!

NO MORE ENTRIES! WE’LL HAVE A WINNER SOON!

This is a photo of an actual working public restroom in Saguaro National Park in Arizona. (It was taken by Christine, better 5/8 of BRI Thom, in 2008.)

Nice, huh?

Provide a caption for the photo either here in the comments, or on our Facebook or Twitter pages. We’ll have the crack staff here at the BRI look over them, argue over them, yell and scream over them, throw a little furniture—then Mrs. Uncle John will decide which one she likes best.

***WINNER GETS AN UNCLE JOHN’S BATHROOM READER OF THEIR CHOICE!

You have until sunday night midnight PST to enter the contest.

Sample caption:

"Please check toilets for rattlesnakes before removing pants."

Ready…

Set…

GO!