Contest: “6 Things Your Dry Cleaner Won’t Tell You”
November 30, 2010
Winner has been chosen!
I just saw the Yahoo news headline: “6 Things Your Dry Cleaner Won’t Tell You.”
Forget the Koreas, people—this is important!
Anyhoo, we thought we’d have a contest: Submit your entries for “6 Things Your Drycleaner Won’t Tell You”—that might not be on the actual list. And might—at least to you—be funny. Examples:
6 Things Your Drycleaner Won’t Tell You
1. “I have an STD.”
2. “Your babydoll makes me look fat.”
3. “I have a dream to be on the FBI’s Most Wanted List some day.”
Etc.
You have until midnight Thursday to submit your entries. No vulgarity, please! Our panel of dry cleaning experts will pick the very funniest of the entries—and the winner gets an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader of their choice!
1…2…3…GO!
Good luck!
Update: You don’t have to give six responses! Just give your best ones!
NO i can not remove the candle wax from your latex body suit
“We try on your wedding dress before we preserve it”
1. ” your DNA matched three of our female customers and Mr. Jones’s !”
2. ” as Mae West once related to ‘ we did find a gun in your front pocket’. ”
3. ” your credit card is over the limit !”
4. ” just wondering Mr. Smith as to why you have a picture of my wife in your pants pocket?!”
5. ” Mr. Spocket, when you said you had extra duty I didn’t think you meant it that way !
6. ” We tried spot remover but but is does not work on guilt !”
The dress didn’t shrink, you grew.
6 Things Your Drycleaner Won’t Tell You
1. We have bedbugs.
2. We can’t find your clothes.
3. I wore your clothes after I cleaned them.
4. You look like someone I once dated.
5. You’re ugly.
6. My dog was in the store. He has fleas, and so might your clothes. *insert smile*
six things…
6~i love the smell of perc in the morning.
5~sometimes i spin the clothes carousel past your clothes a few extra times because i know you are in a hurry.
4~we call that there a “Lewinsky”
3~I really dont care how much you paid for your ruby encrusted camisole, its horribly ugly
2~Please remove your dirty undies from your pantleg before dropping off your cleaning
1~get off of your cell phone before you approach my counter…trust me, you are NOT that important…
I love it when a customer brings in a leather jacket, because sometimes we pretend that it didn’t make it through the dry cleaning process or that we lost it. Then we make it into bondage gear and have gladiator tournaments in the basement. It’s pretty fun, but I lose SO many employees that way.
that dress makes me look effeminate (male dry cleaner)
(I have a dinner party in 4 days and didn’t want to rent a suit) it will be ready in 5 days
I owned another dry cleaning business, but had to shut down because of all the bad reviews i got, you’d be surprised how changing a name of a business makes people forget!
Did you catch the news story of me in your dress at the President’s annual ball? I totally rocked it!… all the way to jail.
6 things your dry cleaner won’t tell you.
1. When you leave I like to put your dress on and prance around to Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”.
2. I burned a hole in your jacket so I replaced it with a nice chiffon party dress.
3. I like to ride the clothes carousel and declare myself King of the Elves.
4. I can’t believe it’s not butter!
5. That’ll never come out…sheesh…you have the manners of a Mongul Wildman…what did you expect would happen when you eat without silverware?
6. You look too small to be a size 12, so I took your dress up a few sizes to a 6…no charge!!
It would be neat to win, as I would like to get the Salute to the Armed Forces. As I buy your readers, I usually pass them to my father who is an Air Force veteren. I would love the opportunity to pass it along to him so he could be the first to read it!!
1. We didn’t charge extra for the pair of panties we found in your suit. However, there is a surcharge extra to keep it off the bill so your wife won’t find it.
2. We helpfully removed the tags from your designer dress after processing it. While it seems odd you brought it in after only one wearing, we pay attention to details.
3. We’re sorry we lost your shirt. I think we have one just like it in your size in our secondhand shop next door.
4. The bill isn’t a mistake. The additional fees are for the other items your secretary dropped off along with your dry cleaning.
5. You say your got that stain at that trendy new restaurant on Fifth Street? Small world; my daughter works as a waitress there.
6. That iron-shaped hole in your pants was there when you brought it in.
Six things your Dry Cleaner Won’t Tell You:
1.) Yes, that dress makes you look fat.
2.) Sorry, no matter how much we yelled at it, that spot wouldn’t get out.
3.) Nobody has worn those pants in the last 40 years.
4.) I like to dress in the clothes of an opposite gender customer, and sing I’m a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania.
5.) Your sweater looks like something my dog ate.
6.) If the glove doesn’t fit, don’t bitch.
6.)
1) We take new brides to the cleaners.
2) Ladies get special treatment: We charge them more.
3) Ancient chinese secret no match for Shout.
4) We’re masters of the bait-and-switch routine.
5) That stain we couldn’t get out, well it wasn’t there when it came in.
6) Most football players we see like light starch when they press their skirts!!
for clothes, not dishes.
This stands out as the first time I’ve commented the following and I need to say you give genuine, and good quality details for bloggers! Fantastic work.
Bed bugs are not just a discomfort, but a serious health hazard as well. They live in your home and feed on human blood so they are not to be taken lightly. The ultimate question is what kills bed bugs efficiently?
Well at least bed bugs are actually revitalizing the economy, the exterminators are making a killing.
Many thanks for the write-up. It was quite interesting to understand. Thank we once again.
1.) That sore on my mouth is Herpies.
2.) I usually just wash your clothes in a cheap washing machine.
3.) Sometimes my wife and I like roleplay…we use your clothes to do so.
4.) If you are fat, you will pay extra…too much surface area on clothing.
5.) I do not like touching your nasty stained clothing, you are discusiting.
6.) Febreze works wonders when I forget to do your drycleaning.
Bed bugs are one of the most irritating creatures on the planet. They are little insects that suck human blood for their survival. Though the commonly accepted is that they are too tiny to be seen, it’s not entirely true. These insects often come to life in our homes at night, therefore making it all the more difficult for us to spot a bed bug infestation.