October 30, 2010
No matter which side of the roll you pull from, BRI fans, I think every one of us can agree that THIS sign from the Jon Stewart-Stephen Colbert Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear is the perfect sign for all of us:
Ain’t it the truth! And everybody reads, too…
October 30, 2010
The technology you thought would never come is finally here. Yes, it’s the tubeless roll of TP:
On Monday, Kimberly-Clark, one of the world’s biggest makers of household paper products, will begin testing Scott Naturals Tube-Free toilet paper at Walmart and Sam’s Club stores throughout the Northeast. If sales take off, it may introduce the line nationally and globally — and even consider adapting the technology into its paper towel brands.
No, the holes in the rolls aren’t perfectly round. But they do fit over TP spindles and come with this promise: Even the last piece of toilet paper will be usable — without glue stuck on it.
Why, you might ask, are they doing this?
The 17 billion toilet paper tubes produced annually in the USA account for 160 million pounds of trash, according to Kimberly-Clark estimates, and could stretch more than a million miles placed end-to-end.
Not bad, eh?
Hey Northeast BRI fans: Can one of you find one of those newfangled rolls next week and send it to us? We’d love to, uh, give it a test run.
October 29, 2010
It is time for another giveaway and since Halloween is around the corner, we want to hear about your costume choices. Tell us on the Blog/Facebook/Twitter what you are dressing up as this weekend and be entered in a random drawing to win a copy of the brand new Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader. If you are not dressing up, tell us your kid’s or pet’s costume.
You have till Sunday, midnight PST. We will announce the winner on Monday.
October 28, 2010
In our little forested enclave here in Southern Oregon it’s been a day and more of vicious gusts of October winds. The skies are filled with rivers of colorful leaves. Beautiful. Made us think of a song by Yusuf—Cat Stevens—Islam. This video is from 2007, from a Paris concert, and he sounds just like he did back in the day:
And Mr. Islam has apparently dropped the “Islam” from his stage name:
This was my decision. It makes the issue of identification personal, not political or religious. I felt it strange when journalists referred to me as, ‘Islam’. Reading things like, “Islam says … “ or something. That worried me. It’s a huge responsibility that I am not answerable for, so I felt nervous about that. I like to be known on first name terms!
By the way, if anyone called me ‘Cat’ in the old days, it meant they weren’t in my real circle of friends. In those days I chose my surname to be Stevens, which was in fact closer to my first name, Steven. Get it?
Happy Late October, everyone! Enjoy those winds!
October 27, 2010
And we here at the Bathroom Readers Institute know that you, dear readers, could not live without mind-blowing bits of information like this fed to you on a nearly constant basis. You would literally shrivel into dessicated, knowledgeless scraps of uninteresting and possibly foul-smelling human detrius if you did not have continuous access to scintillating bits of info like, “Today is the 300th day of the year.” You would. We know it, and you know it. That’s why we’re here. We know what you need. And we care. We really, really care.
That is all.
October 26, 2010
We’ve gotten word from many of our fans that they have already received their copy of our brand spankin’ new Big John: Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader. I guess it pays to pre-order sometimes.
So, even though this may be old news to some, here is our official announcement for the release of the book. You can now purchase it online at our store, as well as other retailers. Done!
Just kidding…Let us tell you a little about the title:
Prepare to be amazed by the Smartening Power Technology of Uncle John’s 23rd ALL-NEW edition! Just a few HEAVY DUTY doses will show you why the BRI is your go-to source for history, blunders, humor, facts, wordplay, and more. As always, there are plenty of quick reads for the reader on the go, medium articles for a regular stay, and some extended pieces for those leg-numbing visits. Read all about:
• The Secret Life of Ants
• The Story of the Magic 8-Ball
• The History of the Office Cubicle
• The Physics of Breakfast Cereal
• How to Speak Dog
• The Madden Curse
• Gross Cocktails
….and much, much more!
WARNING: This book may make you smarter than everyone you know.
P.S. In the next week, we will give you more information on our upcoming sale at the store. The sale starts on November 1 (a week from today!). Just in time for you all to stock up for the holidays.
October 18, 2010
10/21/10 Update:
Thanks for all the entries. It was really hard to just pick one, so we picked two. Our winners are Macey Schnetz with 21 Cool Toilet Paper Roll Creations and Giorgio Karam with Jammin-Jones Toilet Seats. (Winners have been contacted)
We love getting links from you all! So any time you see something fun, interesting, educational, and/or bizarre, please pass them along. You never know, it could make it to our blog or, better yet, show up in one of the books.
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No, “Pancake Toilet” is not the name of the next Toby Keith CD, it’s a toilet—made of out pancakes.
Looks like somebody forgot to flush.
Now to the contest. If you look at the post right below this one, it looks as though we have a theme of sorts going. We thought some of our clever readers could help keep this theme going. So put a link in the comments (you don’t have to email it!) – to something creative/toilet related, something similar hopefully to the origami and pancake toilets. You have until midnight Wednesday—and the very best link gets the brand new, 2010 “Big John,” Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader, sent to the bathroom of their choice.
Good luck, have fun, go with the flow, etc.
October 14, 2010
When you’re done—you can use it to wipe! (Ew. Sorry.)
That is the wonderful origami artwork of Won Park. Many more photos of his work can be found here, and here. And thanks to BRI fan James Beran for sending this our way.
P.S. Want to learn how to make a origami rubber duck? Check out Uncle John’s Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader—page 117.
October 13, 2010
BRI fan Geoff Moulton sends us this story from the “Dumb Crook With Really Bad Luck” file:
RCMP Sgt. Boyd Merrill said Copeman made another mistake when police questioned him.
“They asked the driver to identify himself under the authority of the Highway Traffic Act, which he tried to do using a false name, but the false name he used was actually somebody who was wanted, as well,” said Merrill.
It’s just like that old adage we just made up says: Crime doesn’t pay—and dumb crime pays even less!
October 12, 2010
So sorry for the delay in announcing the winners to our “If John Lennon Were Still Alive…” contest, everyone. I was administering this contest and had an unexpected wrestling match with one uncooperative Ford Tempo yesterday. (I managed to win, eventually, but the Ford got its licks in, too.) I was therefore unable to get the entries to the BRI Contest Selection Country House in Montana in time for yesterday’s pick. My sincere apologies.
Now to the winners.
We had several hundred million clever, thoughtful, silly, weird, hilarious, curious, mean and nasty (automatically disqualified) entries, but Uncle John and his team of elven judges were able to read them all and find the cream of the entire comment crop. So, with no fufrther ado, oh wait, there’s another ado now—ado!—the three spanking new copies of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges Into Music shall go to (in no particular order):
Doug Workman, who wrote:
If John Lennon were still alive…he’d be going nuts trying to get out of the coffin! Tastelss, I know. Sorry.
Because Uncle John has his tasteless streak, too. (Just ask Mrs. Uncle John. And their neighbors.)
Next up, Mylie Neale, who said:
If John Lennon were still alive today….he would lay in Strawberry Fields, reading Uncle John Plunges into Music, saying “if only there were 8 days a week”. Inspired by reading a BRI about some industry greats, on the 8th day, he would attempt to pencil down some lyrics while contemplating life, sitting on the ‘throne’. They’d be fantastic lyrics, only, as he would be the only Free spirited person experiencing an 8th day, he will not ever be realized for his great lyrics, but for being a fan of Bathroom Readers.!!!!
Because we fell asleep halfway through the comment! Kidding! Mylie’s a winner because we’re suckers for blatant attempts to flatter us into delirium. You rock, Mylie—you rock because you know that WE rock!
Finally, Gene Burnett is the third recipient of a copy of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges Into Music for this offering:
If John Lennon were alive today, his autograph would be less valuable. He’d be less of an icon and more of a human being. A flesh and blood old guy with a guitar trying to make some sense of the world.
Why? Because it’s just so galdarned true. And humanizing, which is always a good thing. (Except with farm animals.)
Congratulations, Doug Workman, Mylie Neale, and Gene Burnett. Email us at “unclejohnsbathroomreader (at) gmail (dot) com”—and enjoy your books. And our thanks to everyone who entered. Please come back again, and look out for another contest soon.
Oh yeah, almost forgot. Honorable mention goes to Ol’ Jay, who’s not eligible to win—because he’s stitting right over there in the little red schoolhouse right now writing another fabulous UJBR aricle right now (in between his secret communications with Captain Kirk and Darth Vader, which take up a pretty lot of his time). Ol’ Jay’s entry:
If John Lennon were still alive, he’d be living on his island off the coast of Ireland, thinking back to the days when he was Prime Minister of England and brought about world peace. He would also be recording his 3rd album with Willie Nelson.
The first Girl Scout troop was organized in Savannah, Georgia, on March 12, 1912.
